It Gets Real

     It gets real.  Ever since I stepped outside of the Scene of the Crime bookstore with my copy of a brand new novel entitled Fletch I wanted to write.  I wanted to make characters come alive.  I wanted to tell stories.  I wanted to see my name on a book jacket, and later I decided that it would be really cool to sign my books for people.  Yet, that was not to happen, and still might not, but I am going to try.
     I will not bore you with the whys of my not writing.  I have taken classes, I have "dabbled," but really life and and  my life's choices led me away from this craft that I always wanted to embrace.  Now in place of that were some pretty cool things.  I was able to act on the stage in college, and on film for some small projects, or bigger projects that gave me small roles.   I became a closeup magician and performed for many people and became a Magician Member of the Academy of Magical Arts in Hollywood; also known as The Magic Castle.
   As you can read, I have done some cool things.  Yet, accept for class work and one fictional piece published in a seminary student periodically, I never reached the status of Author.  I still do not see if or when I will write fiction, but something happened recently, that may get me writing and if it is God's will published.
     People who hear my sermons know that I frequently interject stories from my "Hollywood" upbringing as the son of Television Executive Producer, Harry Ackerman, and actress Elinor Donahue.  In addition whether that be commercials, music videos or my working as a support production staff member on shows like Friends after people hear about that part of my life and learn what I do now by serving a congregation as their Episcopal priest, they invariably ask me: "How did you go from Hollywood to the priesthood?"
     One friend and author who interviewed my dad for some of his books, and still interviews my mother for others said to me many times: "Peter you have a unique story to tell, you need to put this down on paper and get it out there!"  When I finally aqueist and decided to try this out as part New Year's Resolution and partial Lenten practice my friend, Herbie, came through.  Before I knew it I had a phone consultation with a Literary Agent who handles show business and political memoirs and who ironically has her offices in nearby to me Washington DC (she never had a show biz client this close!).
     We spoke and asked each other questions and she gave me a 55 minute tutorial of the Publishing business which I found fascinating.  After discussion with my wife, Marie, a couple of friends, and lots of prayer, I knew that God was inviting me to try this out.  It is not fiction writing, just presenting  my own story tied into that of my parent's lives with the hopes from my Agent that it have more of the latter than the former.  Suffice it to say this week I singed with the Agent, whose contract, after the stipulation of my name and identity, refers to me as "Author."   Will God guide me to become a published one?  We shall see.
    So, it gets real.  I have begun writing the book that I want to write, and as I complete it we will see what my agent says.  If something ever comes of it, you will  know about it, and if not, you will know about it.  With some effort if it all comes to naught then I am out nothing more than putting memories down in a collection, but it also offers an opportunity to do something more.
     This is why I let God into this.  I do not want glory.  I do not want to feel smug sitting at a table signing books for people.  Instead, I want this to be used to tell some really cool stories, but also show how God works in people's lives.  I begin this journey with prayer, and I accept any prayers and good wishes that you wish to bestow on me and this project.  Most of all, pray that God works through it; for me, for those whom I encounter, and for those who read what comes forth.  It gets real, and I am so grateful that God is here with me in this reality. 

Always Be Discerning

     First of all, if I get any parishioners from my current parish reading this, let me say up front - I am not leaving you any time soon!  I hope that is good news!  I just want everyone to read this in a relaxed manner and not get frightened that my time at my current church is completed; far from it.

    Having said that, a question I get a lot of the time goes something like this; "how do I know what God wants me to do?"  For me it is time to bring out the letter "D" for "Discernment."  Discerning in God and with God is something that I trust all priests have done at least once (for our initial call to the priesthood), but hopefully continue to practice in all aspects of our lives.

      In the great David Mamet film version of Glengary Glenn Ross, Alec Baldwin. playing the corporate sales person, looks at the sales crew in front of him and demands that they "Always be closing."  Always be closing a sale.  This is how I think of of discernment.  Always be discerning.

     Since I was ordained in 2007 I will tell anyone who asks, that I am always discerning.  Sometimes that discernment is to determine if I am where God wants me to be; at a particular parish at a particular time in its history, but it is also about discerning my role in some activity, or discerning how to approach a particular challenge, or more.  Discernment is not a bad word, certainly, and if you give into the fact that discerning invites one to listen to and see signs from God, it is certainly a holy practice.

     How does discernment look?  Here is a recent example.

     I need to stress right away how I feel that I am perfectly placed where God needs and wants me now.  I am a parish priest in a church where my gifts are needed, appreciated and I am very happy here, so there is no immediate thought of moving onto the next area of my call from God.  Yet God knows that Marie and I have a couple of wants we hope will be included in the next call to ministry; if and whenever it comes.  We would like to consider moving back closer to our parents who all live in the same state.  We would also love it if the job came with a house close to the parish.  Then there are the additional extras that are optional but add attraction; that the church is close to a beach or a body of water, healthy in the ways that parishes are measured, and more.  Well wouldn't you know it.  I became of aware of a place looking for a priest that had a lot of these qualities.  We are not ready to leave where we are yet, not even close! But how could we ignore this possibility?  What to do?  The answer:  Discern!

    Marie and I prayed.  We prayed together, and we prayed separately over the few days after we looked into this almost too good to be true place.  In addition to that, we spoke to people and got more information on the job, the area, the people, but it was all surrounded with prayer. "God, give us a sign!"

    I received a sign.  No, I received three signs on Sunday morning!  The first was a dream;  a very biblical way of how God speaks to some.  My dream had no imagery at all, just blackness, and out of it a voice said "You are where I need you now.  Do not go for that job."  After I awoke I carried this dream around with me while I prepared for services that morning, and I eventually sent up a second prayer; "God, did I hear you correctly in that dream?"  Well, not long after I received a note from a preaching colleague asking if I could print her sermon and bring it to church for her, and I agreed.  When the pages came out and I paper clipped them together I could not help but notice her opening line which read something like this:  "When I was young I kept a Dream Journal by my bed so I could write down my dreams."

      "Okay," I thought, "is this another response from God?"  In mere moments after asking for clarification about a dream I received, in my hands, a sermon where the opening line suggested that I remember that many people pay attention to dreams!  Okay, so I am a bit thick headed at times, so I just wanted to be really sure.  That is why, less than an hour later, I was at the church and preparing for the first service.  One of my habits is to go to the side chapel and pray quietly.  Sometimes I open the bible that sits there, and it was open to the last place I had left it from the last time 1 Corinthians.  As I knelt I prayed again "God, please, I need a sign, about that dream."

       As soon as the prayer was out of my lips I looked down at the bible and a different phrase than the one that I meditated on a few weeks before jumped out and grabbed me.  In my request for a sign the next thing I saw, right in front of me, was "This is the third time I am coming to you..." (1 Corinthians 13:1a).  Okay, Lord, got it!

    I am always discerning, which means I am always looking, I am always praying, and I am always listening. I am glad especially when discernment reminds me that I am where God wants me to be, because I like it here, and I like being in God's presence. 

     

I wish I could return to the Scene of the Crime!

    When I posted yesterday's blog on my Facebook page, I did so mentioning a bookstore that no longer exists, and commenting on what someone else wrote about The Scene of the Crime mystery bookstore wife agreed "It WAS the best bookstore, ever!"
      Scene of the Crime was new back in the mid 1970's, or at least to me and as time moved forward more of these brick and mortal specialty stores arose.  There on Ventura Blvd. in Sherman Oaks, California was this "ma and pa" bookstore, run by Ruth and Al Windfeldt.  Ruth always wore a Victorian ladies outfit and had a massive amount of hair perfectly coiffed and sitting upon her head, like some enormous Derby bonnet. The store had the look of a library you might find tucked away at Downton Abbey, and there was a "nook" in the rear left of the store where they kept all of the Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes related works, and was a place I was sure to go on my visits there.
   My mother took me in there for the first time because they realized that I was addicted to reading.  Due to poor grades I had my comic books and television watching privileges removed and for a 12 year old this was tough going, so to survive I began searching the house for something to read.  In my dad's study he had lots of paperbacks and it was there I discovered the James Bond novels by Ian Fleming, some of Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe mysteries, and more.  
   My mom seeing me begin to read through many of these at a quick pace, knew what to do.  It was that decision that brought her and me to the new mystery bookstore that had recently opened for business.  When the store owner, Ruth, asked me what I liked to read, this then shy 12 year old kid was able to explain that I liked "hard boiled detective stories, with fights, and wise cracks from the main character."  She had just the thing for me, and walked us over to a shelf and explained to me that an author named Gregory MacDonald had recently come out with a book that was doing quite well in sales and she explained how I should like it because it was about a wise cracking investigative reporter.  That is the book that my mom bought for me, and I read "Fletch" in a day, or two, and was back to the shop again that weekend to immerse myself into more of the reading worlds that The Scene of the Crime had to offer.  Oh the adventures I had, and read!
    Seriously, I could go on and on regaling you with some of the adventures I experienced there.  Where to begin?  I remember sneaking peaks at the voluptuous woman's naked rear end on the cover of the Mickey Spillane paperback "The Last Cop Out," I fondly recall going to book signings and meeting Nicholas Meyer the author of the Sherlock Holmes book "The Seven Percent Solution" (and others) BEFORE he became a director of films, including two of the Star Trek ones.  I met my favorite author Robert B. Parker there, as well as the legendary Elmore Leonard.  I even happened to be in the store one summer morning when actress Loni Anderson, was buying books for her then husband Burt Reynolds.
    Scene of the Crime was ahead of its time for bookstores; hosting mystery author related trips.  I traveled overnight to San Francisco with the Windfeldts and others for a Dashiell Hammett trip where I met author William F. Nolan and had him sign my "Logan's Run" books (I still have all three of his original paperbacks in the series, signed by him to me). My dad, who knew Raymond Chandler was asked to speak on the day-trip where fans from the store went by bus around Los Angeles to see sites from the author's books.  Dad's lecture was at Musso & Franks a restaurant that a few years later would have his Hollywood Walk of Fame Star placed nearby.  On the bus that was our transportation for that day trip, I can still  remember Ruth introducing some of us to each other, and pointing out one of our number who was "a member of the LAPD;" a young man who I believe now to have been author, Paul Bishop, who I met later quite a few times at signings after he became a published author.  I am grateful to be able to call him a friend, who I regularly correspond with. 
    As I wrote yesterday it was Paul, who introduced me, via social media, to his fellow author Robert F. Dorr, who I now speak with by phone, and with whom I hope to have a meal with later this month.  I am reflecting today on the wonderful connections offered by being a friend of just one bookstore.  Because a woman named Ruth took an actress' son figuratively by hand and took the time to steer him in the right direction, he became a book lover for life, and has amassed memories and friends along the way.
   Today is Sunday; a day where I often find time in my vocation as a priest to offer thanks.  The Scene of the Crime bookstore is no more, but I give thanks to that shop, and to all of those named here (including the late Mickey Spillane's wife who was apparently the model on the cover of that particular book), as they have been a huge part in enriching my life.   Thank you.  It is because you that I love to read; it is because you that I enjoy writing; it is because of you that I am this book lover still today!   

    One of the greatest compliments I ever received was when my daughter was in early junior high school; you know that period where teenagers still talk to you?  She was reading the late Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird" and she made the comment that I will forever hold dear.  "Dad," she said, "when I read about Atticus Finch you know who I picture?  You."  That prompted a nice discussion from a memory she had from when she was even younger where, due to a situation that occurred, I offered to  her my thoughts on racism.
       Now of course that comparison makes me stand taller, but the "me" aspect of this is not why I make this post.  I post this for a few reasons.  Firstly, I sincerely hope she has the same feelings about racism as I do.  Secondly, I think what touched me more in my daughter's comparison was something that Harper Lee left behind with her work: a connection shared via generations.

       When I was a sophomore at Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks, California, a teacher whose name I cannot remember, assigned us certain books that we had to read that year, including "Lord of the Flies,"  "Go Tell It On the Mountain," and "To Kill a Mockingbird."  The latter two I loved and though God called me in various ways to become a priest, I believe Atticus was another way that God said, "Here is who I want you to become."

        Like my schoolmate John, I was inspired by the fictional Finch.  Unlike John I did not become an attorney.  I remember speaking with one of the Roman Catholic Brothers about a potential career as a lawyer.  My dreams of wooden courtrooms with no air conditioning were dashed when the Brother brushed aside my imaginings and instead painted before me the boardrooms of the fine industries where Corporate Law could take me.  "And," he added, "THAT is where the money is!"  

       "Gee, thanks, Father."

        I always blamed that priest for me not becoming a lawyer.  Imagine what a little encouragement from the clergyman to the lawyer that I was imagining might have done.  

        Still, God, had a different call in store for me, and maybe used the good Brother.
       So, thanks to Harper Lee (who passed away yesterday on February 19) for creating characters that make us all aspire to the good that we can become.

        Maybe Peter the Priest is closer to Atticus Finch than Peter the Lawyer would have been.  In humility, I know that I cannot sincerely aspire to the fine capabilities written into the character.  However, I am able to give thanks again for Harper Lee for bestowing upon us dreams, possibilities, characters and the chance to feel the connection when a girl, not much unlike Lee's fictional self Scout herself, looks up to her dad and gives him praise. 

        Many gifts from one novel.

        Thank you, Ms. Lee.

My Book Journey Begins

"You should write a book!"  I cannot tell you how many times that I have heard people say this.  From some it began when I worked in show business, and perhaps via my Irish ancestry (my mother is a Donahue, and my father's maternal side are Flannery's) I tell stories in an entertaining way.  As I regaled some of my adventures as a kid on the film sets of his Executive Producer dad, or Actress mother, they would say "you should write a book!" to which I replied "who would want to hear about that?"
     Yet the adventures continued.  I followed in my mother's footsteps first, joining the throng of very unsuccessful yet talented actors who worked as food servers.  I did do a few acting gigs, but they usually had me running through a set, pushing a gurney, while reciting the important dialogue "yes, doctor," which usually got lost in the noise of the scene anyway.
    A turn of events led me to become involved in the production end of the business...never the creative side, always a guy working for the guy, or gal, or folks who were the high paid ones.  Still whether it was TV commercials, music videos, or shows like "Friends" I had enough adventures that I would share and then it came back..."you should write a book."  "Who would read that?" I thought.
    Yet, my lifelong affiliation with the Episcopal Church eventually led me to leaving television to follow the tug of what we religious types refer to as a "call."  First I became a paid staff "Youth Leader" for my parish, and soon after I also too on the mantle of becoming the Parish Administrator and no one asked me to write a book, but many began to say - "have you ever thought of the priesthood?"  Discernment, work with the Diocese of Los Angeles, finishing my undergrad all came together and I found myself going into seminary in 2004 in VA of all places.
    Adventures continued, even though I was not in show biz land any more.  I met a US President who did an almost private, very kind thing for one of my kids and the stories connected to my life continued to build and I began to share them in new ways.  I found that these stories, my stories and experiences, could be used as sermon illustrations.  Thus they became a part of my preaching.
    Whether telling about the time how I almost drove a truck into a water attraction in the dark on the back-lot of Universal Studios, Hollywood, or standing in for the lead singer of a very famous rock band while the rest of the group did their thing around me, I was able to transform these stories into talking about "needing a sign," or "God's grace in surprises," and more and more people said to me "You should write a book."
   Suddenly that and "how did you go from show business into the priesthood?" became questions I received regularly from parishioners and show biz friends alike.  Finally, after much prayer, and having the life long desire to write, I am beginning to acquiesce to this call, from God through others.  A friend from the show biz side, who has written many books, who I first met after he interviewed my father (who died in 1991) for one of these, and recently my mother for another, figuratively sat me down (we are on separate coasts) and said "Peter, you have books in you, and you have to get these stories out there!"   So, with that prompting, and some research, I have an upcoming directive chat with a literary agent soon, and I have begun to take pen to paper.  Perhaps over time, I will use this blog as a place to preview some of the stories, or throw out some questions.   Until then, I hope this serves to invite you to follow me, to cheer me on, and if it is part of your repertoire to say a prayer as I add this desire to an already full life!